shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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