So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
