i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
