I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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