Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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