what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
