the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
