Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize