I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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