he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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