I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
