Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
