No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
