K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
