Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
