I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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