If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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