He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
