You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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