I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize