not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
