Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
