If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize