i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
