i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
