I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
