He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
