That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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