Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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