when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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