Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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