does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
