I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize