Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
