I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Im part way to drunk.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
