apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
