Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
