my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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