Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
being pregnant is like rehab
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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