i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
