I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
