Im at strip club and am horny
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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