hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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