yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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