Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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