I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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