it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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