SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
