this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
