my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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