Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
