I'm really into asian looking animals
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
