It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
