once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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