You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
