My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
