I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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