I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
