Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
