So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize