I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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