DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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