He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
