omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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