UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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