im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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