a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
