Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
