DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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