Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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