Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
