matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
