I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
